Soup's Happy Place

First of all, I have procrastinated quite a bit with this post. And by procrastination, I mean months! Life has certainly been busy with kids, work, and other things. But I am glad I waited to make this post, as you will see below…

My mother-in-law enjoys volunteering. She does this on a regular basis and has done so for years. She currently volunteers at an organization that gives away home necessities for people that have just immigrated to this country. She asked me why I don’t do it more often. Here is my long answer as to why.

Volunteering is one of the many requirements that premeds are expected to undertake on their medical school admissions journey. Applying to medical school without it is the equivalent of wearing your underwear on your head. You will not be considered unless you have this. Medical schools also want clinical experience so you get a taste of what it’s like to work in healthcare, therefore a good majority of premeds end up doing clinical volunteering since it kills two birds with one stone… They get both the clinical experience and “altruism” required by medical schools.

So obviously I went with volunteering in the emergency department. What did I learn there? More than you can ever imagine. If you were to ask me about the most influential person on the journey to becoming a doctor, you just might find yourselves surprised with the answer. Hint. It’s not a family member or a doctor I know. In fact, I don’t even remember his name.

I still remember this moment like it was yesterday. I was finishing a 4 hour volunteer shift (8AM-12PM) in the emergency department. I made numerous rounds (of course ignored by the doctors) and cleaned many beds with CaviCide spray by the time the end of my shift was nearing. I was looking forward to more grinding with the premed classes once I was able to go home. The minutes hand kept moving and it was nearly 20 minutes prior to finishing. I was sitting at the central station waiting to see if I would be given another task to do by the emergency department techs. But then someone walked in and introduced himself to me. He was wearing a green volunteering vest and I could see a golden pin that I was told about during orientation. The pin signified that he had hit the 10000 hour mark. He had silver hair and tan skin. He stuck out his hand to shake mine. He then told me his name (I did not remember his name) and said that he was the volunteer that worked the following 12PM-4PM shift, and had come in early since he just got back from a two week cruise. Although I do not remember his name, I remember him saying “I came in early to make sure everything was still okay.” He then walked over the coffee maker, something I had not used in the past as I was never asked to. He lifted the pot, where there was just a little bit of coffee left. He shook it and said: “Why don’t you go make another pot for them. They work hard.” I told him that I didn’t know how to use it. He then said: “You don’t know how to make coffee?!” He looked very annoyed. I started to grin. I’m not sure if I did this because I felt uncomfortable or was hoping that he was just giving me a hard time for fun.

He then said: “Relax buddy, I was just giving you a hard time!”

Not really, he never said that… But that’s what I wished happen. I was hoping it was like one of those friends that are joking but tend to take it a little too far. Sadly, this was not it. He continued screaming at me in front of everyone. His face was red. I eventually zoned out while he continued to ramble on and on. I didn’t catch what he said. Finally he said, “Okay fine! I’ll just do it. Now watch me.” He went through the motions and a fresh pot was being brewed. The clock finally hit noon, and I was on my way out.

Although I never encountered him again, he certainly stuck around. Not in a bad way though. He wasn’t living rent free in my head and terrorizing me on a daily basis. Thankfully not that. Instead, he would live as one of the most positive examples in my life. You see, I learn best from negative experiences. I have always been that way since I was a child, and still am this way as an adult.

What are the most important things he has taught me? First of all, just because he was a volunteer, and a volunteer with more than 10000 hours at that, does not in any way make him a genuinely good human being. If my family, friends, or I were a patient in the emergency department then I would not want him to be there with us regardless of the number of hours, pins, or other volunteer positions he might have. Like I said, none of these things will magically make you a good person.

What else have I seen on the volunteering journey? Let’s see. I had a total of two experiences with the physicians in the emergency department. One of them was positive. I was making my rounds cleaning off beds and talking to some patients and families when one of the physicians pulled me aside. He asked me to go watch him perform a procedure since “this is what I’m here for.” There was an elderly gentleman with a large scalp laceration. The physician placed a few staples closing the laceration. I told him that was very neat and thanked him for this. The second experience was negative. I used to have a vicious non-productive cough before my asthma was properly diagnosed and treated. One day I was coughing quite a bit, but of course would cover my mouth and then would wash my hands. One of the physicians then said to me: “If you’re going to cough, wear a mask.” She didn’t ask if I was okay or anything else. I put on a mask. I never spoke to her again.

Finally, I thought about my negative experience with the latter physician as well as many others throughout my training. Medical school was so cliquish that it made “Mean Girls” look like a sweet G-rated Disney movie. While I have met some incredibly amazing people along the way (Andrzej and Sasha in particular), there were far more that in hindsight were… Umm… Just not the nicest people. I remember when I used to watch medical shows before embarking on the premed journey, I watched “Boston Med,” which was a documentary miniseries. I distinctly remember one of the residents being called “Bardouche” by others. This stuck with me, and was the one thing I remembered as I progressed in the journey.

For all the physicians I have met that are less than kind personalities, they have all volunteered during their journey. Many of them went from “zero to Mother Teresa” practically overnight once becoming premeds. They suddenly start with one or more experiences once they are officially premed. Once they are either accepted to medical school or drop the premed track, these activities fall to the wayside. It’s also fascinating to hear premeds discussing their volunteering amongst themselves, and how one might be “superior” to another. When was the last time I heard my mother-in-law say that her volunteering in the free store was “superior” to her friend’s experience in the soup kitchen? It sounds ridiculous when you put it into perspective.

Finally, we get to why my procrastination has served me well with this post. Since we are on the topic of arbitrarily using things to determine whether someone is a good and righteous person (or not), let’s discuss how your family, friends, and neighbors have become racist, misogynistic, and awful people all over again! Remember 2016 through 2020, when anyone that supported president Trump was a racist, misogynist, awful person, and just about any other negative adjective that I can’t think of at the moment? Well guess what, they get to be horrible people all over again now! Once again, it’s just using arbitrary things to paint someone as either good or evil. Someone that has been genuinely kind to you for your entire life is suddenly a horrible person because they automatically stand for all of these things. Remember that four legs good, two legs bad. Oh sorry, I digress.

I hope that everyone will enjoy this simplistic division for the next few years again. Maybe some of you will be able to think critically about things… One can remain hopeful.

So tying this all together, I hope that I can answer my mother-in-law’s question about why I don’t volunteer more often. Well, I have genuinely enjoyed when I was able to do free photo shoots for charitable organizations or other good causes. I still enjoy doing these in the present whenever the opportunities come up. Regardless, whether I volunteer or not have nothing to do with who I am as a person. This does not define me. Instead, I should be defined by the way I treat you. The same way that the volunteer in the green vest shouldn’t automatically be considered a good and righteous person just because he is a volunteer.

Finally, how has this affected me as a person and as a physician? This man teaches us the important lesson of not judging a book by its cover. As for myself, he (as well as the other negative people I have met) has certainly taught me about the person and physician that I never want to be.

When it comes to patient care, not every single patient will be receiving antibiotics, intravenous fluids, or diuretics. But what I can tell you is that every single one of my patients will receive kindness. I realize that this isn’t the end all be all of solving the world’s, let alone the patients’ problems; but at least it can leave a positive impression for them. Following the Golden Rule and giving out kindness is free. More importantly, pull your head out of your metaphorical butt and stop arbitrarily defining people as good or bad. Get to know people for who they really are. You’ll be much happier that way.