Soup's Happy Place

Above: My parents, Sam and Dora Vaynman, with my two lovelies

This event had taken place in the early 1990s, when I was in elementary school. Since I was still learning to read and write, I didn’t have a medium for telling the world all about my parents. So here goes…

I was obsessed with Legos when I was a child. My parents, grandparents, and even friends bought me so many different sets. Despite having a Lego police building and cars, there was yet another car that I wanted. Oh yes, it was the 1991 night patroller set (when the vehicles had really cool cockpits!). It had flashing lights too, which made it that much cooler! I knew that I had to have it! For only $25 plus shipping and handling, it would be mine.

There was one problem though… My parents recently purchased the Lego Jetport Fire Squad truck for me, which was a little bit more expensive…

Sure the fire truck was cool, but I wanted more. I went downstairs and showed my parents the police car I wanted. They told me no because they already bought the fire truck for me. So I did what any young child would do… I ran up the stairs, jumped onto their bed, and started crying. I still remember my tears soaking into their light blue bed sheet. I then heard my mom walking up the stairs and I felt a sigh of relief. I thought that she was coming to tell me that she would give in and buy me the police car.

Sadly, this was not the case. My mom came back to tell me that they already bought the fire truck for me, and that I didn’t need the police car. I then started to scream back telling her how much I wanted it and that she and my dad were the worst parents. My mom then said to me: “Sure! Okay! Why don’t you go and tell everyone how horrible your parents are?!”

Sure mom. Well, maybe if I had a medium to tell the world about how horrible you and dad were, then I would have done so sooner…

But finally, the time has come! So here it is.

A little bit about my parents…

My parents were both born in the former Soviet Union (what is now modern day Moldova and Ukraine). Unfortunately, unlike our great nation, there was a significant amount of religious persecution against Jews. Therefore, my dad was unable to pursue a PhD in Moscow due to this. Well, it wasn’t just religious persecution that made the Soviet Union suck. It was a communist shithole after all, and contrary to what many starry-eyed college students might believe, it was a country worth leaving literally everything for. So in 1979, with $200 in their pockets and a few suitcases in hand, my parents fled from the Soviet Union and made their way to the United States. My sister was born a year later in 1980. Then 6 years later I was born. My dad was able to finally pursue his PhD in materials science and engineering at Northwestern University and my mother was a database analyst for many years with a variety of different companies. When my parents worked, my mother’s parents often stayed with my sister and I instead of hiring out babysitters. We were very close to them. I felt that we were pretty spoiled, in a good way of course, growing up. I had lots of different toys ranging from Nintendo, Super Nintendo, Legos, cars, trucks, and model trains. I also got to try out a bunch of different activities that I got to quit pretty quickly (it wasn’t until 2008 that I bought my first camera).

So now to the gritty personal details about growing up…

The rebellious child…?

I didn’t have very many friends growing up. But at this time in my life, it was certain quality over quantity. I was extremely close to a select few people and spent nearly every day with them. There was one that I was closest to up through the 8th grade. He lived a short walk or bike ride away from my house, and we spent nearly every day together. Interestingly, our parents were quite different from one another. They were pretty strict about certain things, such as what television shows he was allowed to watch. He wasn’t allowed to watch The Ren & Stimpy Show on Nickelodeon, which was surprising given that it was a children’s show after all. He wasn’t even able to watch The Simpsons, which was a huge staple in my life!

At family gatherings and parties I asked if I could try the alcohol. I was allowed to take a sip. I did not like the flavor. Before starting high school, I asked my parents if I could try drugs. My mother’s response to this was: “We can’t tell you what you can or can’t do. You need to make this decision by yourself.” I asked my parents if I could try smoking. I received the same exact response.

So once freshman year of high school came around, my then best friend and I ultimately went our separate ways despite going to the same school. He ended up rebelling against his parents and his strict upbringing by choosing drugs, tobacco, and alcohol.

On the contrary, when my parents told me the choice was mine regarding drugs, tobacco, and alcohol; I never felt the need to rebel by doing any of these things just to spite them. To this day, I haven’t ever smoked a cigarette nor have I done any fun drugs. I also don’t really drink, but will have something once every few months.

Sadly, my friend passed away at the age of 23 in 2009. I wanted to reconnect with him, but never had the chance.

The immigrant parents and who I was actually rebelling against…

Throughout much of my younger life, I often chose the path of least resistance and looked for the easy way out. This didn’t go well in school, where teachers often said that although I had the potential, I lacked the willpower to achieve things. With my parents having immigrated from the Soviet Union, educations for my sister and I were there top priority. They instilled in us that with the proper education, we would have limitless potential later in life. While my sister took the straight and narrow path forward, I took a bunch of detours often butting heads with my parents and teachers along the way.

My mom would say: “We are not your enemy.” It would take a long time and numerous painful lessons to understand this. In hindsight, it looks like the only person I was rebelling against was… myself. Although I was my own worst enemy, my parents never gave up and continued to push me.

They pushed me because they wanted me to live my best life. They pushed me because they didn’t want me to experience the same challenges they did. The pushed me because they loved me.

From working hard to hardly working…

I took quite the journey to get to where I’m at now. I initially started by working in the business world, where the first company was not quite what I expected. It felt extremely claustrophobic, where any upward mobility (or mobility anywhere) was impossible. I thought that I would need to surrender myself to a life limited to weekends, since on weekdays I would be doing a mundane 9 to 5 grind. I was extremely unhappy and I’m pretty sure that everyone saw this. I used to be so optimistic (and I guess naive) about the future, but this was gone.

I always had a fascination with medicine. I watched a lot of medical shows on television, where I found myself glued to the screen. Ultimately I decided to leave the business world, and apply to medical school. I then completed a post-baccalaureate, which involved living at home and being dependent on my parents for everything again. Eventually I made it to medical school, where I was also living at home and was dependent on them. These were some of the hardest years of my entire life, where much of it is blocked out of my mind. No matter how bad things were, my parents were always there for me. They were cheering me on no matter what. My happiest memories were making time for daytime television, where I would eat lunch and watch Maury. My mom would then come into the kitchen and say: “Why are you watching this trash?!” Every. Single. Time!

But alas I made it! I moved out to do residency with Arkansas with my wife Michelle. During that time I missed living back at home with my parents. It was a tough 3 years, and I’m sure they would have been just a little bit easier if my parents were around.

Finally fast forward to 2020, where I found the career that I’m meant to be in, at the hospital where I fit in perfectly. I’m working the backside of the clock, where I’m no longer feeling exhausted and actually am able to reach my full potential and then some.

So now it’s present day and I’m not working at all. I feel that everything in life is perfectly balanced, and this is what it means when people talk about not working a day in your life. I get to do what I love for a third of the month, and then spend the rest of the month being a stay-at-home dad.

In order for myself to have a career that wouldn’t require me to “work” anymore, my mom spent her life working the same boring Monday through Friday grind so that my sister and I could live a better life and pursue what we were passionate about. That was quite the sacrifice to make.

I’ll also be a “horrible” parent to my children…

In the end, I never received the 1991 Lego night patroller set. But what I received was much more. I was given every opportunity imaginable to live my life to the fullest and to also not have to deal with the many challenges my parents faced head-on.

I hope to do the same with my children growing up. I will give anything so that they will have every single advantage and opportunity available to them, so they too can live their best lives. I don’t want them to have to deal with the challenges I faced. I have zero regrets, because I wouldn’t be where I am now if I took a different path. But at least when I had those challenges, my parents were there for me every single time.

I’m sure my children will call me “horrible” when I don’t buy them a toy they want. Believe me, I don’t mind. I want you all to know that not getting the Lego set was the most horrible thing my parents did to me. I hope this will also be the horrible thing to do to my children, because I would not want them to deal with any of the struggles I had growing up… The exact same way my parents did not want me dealing with their own struggles.

I am forever grateful to them for everything they have done for me. I wouldn’t be who I am and where I am without them. I love you.